Settling in: what the first two weeks really look like

Your start date is booked and you are already dreading the first goodbye, possibly more than your child is. Here is what settling in at nursery actually looks like across a typical fortnight, written by people who have settled hundreds of children and cried in the staff room over precisely none of the things parents worry about most.

Days one and two: you stay, we watch

The first visit is short, usually an hour, and you stay the whole time. Your job is to sit somewhere comfortable and be boring. Your child's job is to ignore you, gradually, in her own time. Some children are off exploring the water tray within ninety seconds. Others spend the full hour on your lap. Both are completely normal and neither predicts how the rest of settling will go.

While this happens, her key-person is quietly gathering information. How does she like to be held? Does she have a word for her comforter? What does she do when another child takes something? We are not entertaining her yet. We are learning her.

Before you leave we will ask you the unglamorous questions: naps, bottles, nappies, allergies, the exact name of the rabbit she cannot sleep without. Write it all down for us or tell us twice. Nothing is too small.

Days three to five: longer sessions, first short goodbyes

Next we stretch the sessions and you start stepping out. First to the entrance hall for ten minutes, then out of the building for half an hour, then for a full session including lunch or a nap.

The golden rule when you go: say goodbye. Every time. It is tempting to slip out while she is distracted, and it backfires, because a child who discovers her Mum can vanish without warning starts watching the door instead of playing. A short, confident, almost cheerful goodbye teaches her the one thing settling in at nursery is really about: you leave, and you come back. Always.

The first proper drop off, and the crying

At some point in week two you will hand her over at the door, she will cry, and you will walk to the car feeling like the worst parent in your postcode. Here is what you cannot see. In the overwhelming majority of cases the crying stops within a few minutes of the door closing. Not because she has given up, but because the feeling of the goodbye passes and a member of staff she already knows is holding her, narrating the room, finding the toy she liked on Tuesday.

We will not leave a distressed child to cry it out, ever. If a child cannot be comforted, we phone you. That phone call is rare, and when it happens we adjust the plan rather than pushing through.

What we ask of you is the hard part: keep the goodbye short. A drawn out farewell with three returns for one more cuddle tells her there is something to be worried about. Thirty seconds, a kiss, a clear "Mummy is coming back after lunch", and go.

What her key-person does all fortnight

Every child here has a named key-person, one adult whose job is to know your child deeply and be her safe base. During settling, that person greets her at the door, does her nappy changes where possible, sits with her at lunch and puts her down for her nap. Attachment first, everything else second. The learning comes easily once a child feels anchored to someone.

Your key-person is also your person. Hand them the small stuff at drop off: bad night, new tooth, Grandma visiting. It all changes how we read her day.

How you will know she is fine

You will not spend the day guessing. We send updates through the day: what she ate, how long she slept, a photo of her doing the thing you were sure she would refuse to do. If she had a wobbly patch, we say so honestly, because a feed of relentlessly smiling photos helps nobody. And at pick up her key-person gives you the real story, not a script.

One warning about the photo you receive at 10am: she will look delighted. Parents sometimes find this mildly offensive after a tearful goodbye. Take it as the good news it is.

The bit nobody warns you about: regression at home

Around the end of the first fortnight, many children fall apart a little at home. Clingier at bedtime, fussier at meals, a potty accident or two, tears over the wrong colour cup. This is not a sign nursery is going badly. It is the opposite: she has held herself together all day in a new place, and she saves the unravelling for the person she trusts most. It passes, usually within a couple of weeks. Extra cuddles, early nights, low expectations at dinner.

When to worry, and when not to

Do not worry about crying at drop off that stops quickly, clinginess, tiredness, regression at home or a child who takes three or four weeks rather than two. All standard. Do talk to us if the crying is not settling during the session itself, if she stops eating or sleeping at nursery entirely after several weeks, or if your gut simply says something is off. We will slow the plan down, shorten sessions again or change the routine. Settling is a plan we adjust around one child, not a conveyor belt. You can read how our rooms are organised on our rooms page and how starting with us works on our admissions page.

Still deciding, or want to meet the person who would be doing the settling? Book a tour and come and ask us the hard questions in person.